The Paddle that Would not Come Together

Some rather lame ramblings a day late. I have a very nice toybag. I really do. Now I have seen guys with maybe $4000 worth of wood and leather hanging from multiple racks, whose toybag looked like a small retail outlet for fetish goods. It is nothing like that. But I have at least one nice piece of about everything that you would really want.

Once upon a time I had a submissive (we’ll call her S.) who worked for a place that made fetish toys. Now a lot of the toys had little flaws and the fellow who did the lathe work was a bit of a perfectionist. So in some cases she had the opportunity to go ahead and complete them by herself, or got pieces that had been damaged when being transported at a discount. And because she liked me, I suppose, she kept giving me toys.

So I have a very lovely matched set of toys thanks to S. They may have a few imperfections but I cannot see them, nor do I think in most cases that you could. I have supplemented here and there by a few acquisitions of my own, but I have to thank her for much of what is still the bulk of my toybag. My preferential color has been dark red. Obviously a lot of people collect black. I know a few dommes (and subs) who are very into purple. I know one domme whose collection is white. I felt like black was a little too generic. I’ve always liked dark red, it seems like a very passionate color. And it comes out very easily in woods as well as leather.

One of the toys I have is a paddle. It has a wooden handle, and then a leather paddle attached with two brass screws. One side of the paddle is leather, which produces a sort of interesting combination sting/thud, and the other is fur, which is very thuddy and very soft, and good for sensation play.

So to get around to the story, my wife, who we’ll call O., is allergic to fur. So in addition to making her rather sad to use rabbit fur (because she likes rabbits), it will also make her red and itchy. Red is a good color for a submissive’s ass. But I honestly don’t know many girls who have ever said “please make me itchy.” I’m sure that fetish exists, hell there is probably even some silly ass pretentious name for it. But I don’t think a lot of people feel that way.

Anyway…at Christmas…now three years ago… S. who is a good friend of O. was nice enough to gift her with a lovely paddle, just like mine, made to spec, but with faux fur. Fairly nice faux fur. Maybe not as soft as rabbit, but really very nice. The only issue was that the handle wasn’t attached. But this would be easy. “I will give J. (that’s me in case you aren’t keeping notes on a memo pad at this point) two screws on our date night next week.”

An easy job, two minutes of work.Easy right……this was not to be. I got the screws, but the paddle was in other holiday stuff. They laid in my bedroom for a while, then the handle got brought up but not the pad. Then the screws got lost. Then everything got put in a drawer, then separated again…

How long do you think this went on

….let’s try…three years…

So a few weeks ago, just before we trolled the ancient Yuletide Carol (I often wondered about that…are there dates to pick up along the ancient Yuletide Carol? How do you dress to go trolling Yuletide Carols?) I actually managed to bring all the parts together…So after a mere interval of three years the project that was to be done a week after Christmas…was…We didn’t say which Christmas right…There is probably a lesson here, but honestly I had too much eggnog to assimilate it…just a funny little story about toys…

Interesting Fact: The term Priapism comes from Priapus. In Greek mythology, Priapus was a minor rustic fertility god, protector of livestock, fruit plants, gardens and male genitalia. Originally worshipped by Greek colonists in Lampsacus in Asia Minor, the cult of Priapus spread to mainland Greece and eventually to Italy during the third century BC. During the 6th and 5th century BC, Lampsacus was successively dominated by Lydia, Persia, Athens, and Sparta. Which is kinda surprising, the former more than the latter, because you could kind of see the Spartan thing. (Sparta comes from the Gr. Spartachian, “insertive partner,” also “traffic barrier.”)

The term Flaccid from Fr. flaccide, from L. flaccidus of uncertain origin. The OED politely suggests it is onomatopoeic, principally because of fear of having the University’s editorial offices bombed by enraged inhabitants of the Turkish town of Flacidus, which is named on Turkey’s list of “100 vacation spots we’d most be willing just to give to the Kurds…”

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