Existentialism and Emotional Misery

 Occasionally one of my friends writes something that I find truly interesting or outstanding.  This is a short essay written by a friend of mine and posted with her permission which I found provocative and interesting, particularly in the discussion of “hidden keys.”  I think the essay speaks for itself, so I’ll provide no further […]

Amanda Todd and the wrong message about bullying and sexuality…

Over the next few months, society will report and debate the death of Amanda Todd, a teenager who committed suicide after posting a Youtube video about bullying. I truly mourn her loss. This is someone who was intelligent, creative, had some artistic capability and seemed to understand a great deal about what was happening to […]

The Thorny Issues of Consent

This was originally written as a continuation of the discussion of consent, however I think it stands alone as a basic outline of the issues with consent within our community. In many ways, I think you can boil the core issue in consent in BDSM down to the Foo Fighters. “The only thing I’ll ever […]

MacMcClelland, Rape, and PTSD

In the past few weeks there has been a lot of traffic in the online world about a piece by Mother Jones journalist Mac McClelland for Good. That’s not surprising in itself. If you’ve never heard of Mac McClelland, she’s one of those rare people in the world who is out to do some good…and cut a […]

A Warm Fuzzy Tale–PART TWO!

  So…probably most of you in School, or Church, or some other Institution of Cultural Assimilation, read Claude Steiner’s “A Warm Fuzzy Tale” in grade school.  And if you’re like me, you sort of shrugged and said “well that makes sense but whatever.” So…most people get “A Warm Fuzzy Tale” without any explanation that it’s […]

Self-Sabotage and Passive Aggression in Relationships…

I recently posted in a group about self-sabotage in M/s relationships.  Situations where a slave acts out passive aggressively, or in ways that destroy the benefits of the power exchange.  I came up with a number of core reasons that lie behind destructive self-sabotaging or passive aggressive behavior in relationships, and I thought I’d enlarge […]

General Drill Order for Submissives

There is no shortage of literature in the world about BDSM at this point. There never really has been, even in the many years before Anne Desclos/Pauline Reage made it beautiful and established that there could be a feminine voice and the existence of a feminine need and urge, and Paulhan made it intellectual and […]

Issues with Transparency

The term “Transparency” has a long history. It initially comes not from strict BDSM, but from the open relationship between Jean-Paul Satre and Simone de Beauvoir, the author of the 1949 work The Second Sex. In 1929 the two made a pact that was the basis for a decades long relationship…they would pursue other relationships […]

The Selfish Dominant

I often feel that if you can’t admit the selfishness of being a Dominant, if you can understand your obligation to give back. If you delude yourself that every part of what you do is about “helping the girl” then I wonder if you can think seriously about whether or not you are really fulfilling […]

Poly, BDSM and FedEx

So the Post carried an article on Poly couples yesterday. For those of you just joining this channel, that’s a generic term for “people who fuck around like I do.” Apparently based on some local convention. I don’t know that you deeply need to go read it. The article is just about exactly what you’d […]