Power Exchange

The Thorny Issues of Consent

This was originally written as a continuation of the discussion of consent, however I think it stands alone as a basic outline of the issues with consent within our community. In many ways, I think you can boil the core issue in consent in BDSM down to the Foo Fighters. “The only thing I’ll ever […]

Consent and Non-Consent in Power Exchange

If you find this post interesting, please consider commenting where it appears on the Consent Counts Group on Fetlife   A few days ago, the NCSF dropped me an e-mail…which I assume went out to every other person on the NCSF mailing list, about starting a national dialog on consent, here on Fetlife and in […]

Dialog on Consent – NCSF Appeal

I received the following from NCSF and I wanted to both boost the signal and mention how important this is to our community…particularly the discussion about consent listed below.I believe in consent and I’m on record writing about the importance not only of titular consent but informed consent which comes from a full understanding of […]

Advocacy for M/s and other Fetish Issues…

In a group I follow on FetLife, the question came up of displays of M/s in public and whether or not that was appropriate. I wanted to share my personal feelings, and expand that into the larger sphere of public advocacy. The first thing I want to say is that I think that effective advocacy […]

Self-Sabotage and Passive Aggression in Relationships…

I recently posted in a group about self-sabotage in M/s relationships.  Situations where a slave acts out passive aggressively, or in ways that destroy the benefits of the power exchange.  I came up with a number of core reasons that lie behind destructive self-sabotaging or passive aggressive behavior in relationships, and I thought I’d enlarge […]

General Drill Order for Submissives

There is no shortage of literature in the world about BDSM at this point. There never really has been, even in the many years before Anne Desclos/Pauline Reage made it beautiful and established that there could be a feminine voice and the existence of a feminine need and urge, and Paulhan made it intellectual and […]

Issues with Transparency

The term “Transparency” has a long history. It initially comes not from strict BDSM, but from the open relationship between Jean-Paul Satre and Simone de Beauvoir, the author of the 1949 work The Second Sex. In 1929 the two made a pact that was the basis for a decades long relationship…they would pursue other relationships […]

Something Special of my Own

There was no Thursday post, because I was on the road…which officially means I suck. And Monday is late. But we’ll try to get back on schedule this week…even if we’re stealing material. A friend of mine, r. wrote this a while ago. I’ve always liked it, and I asked for, and received permission to […]