There are a number of reasons why I started this sex blog. Likely they don’t matter to you, and probably don’t matter very much to me. But I am going to talk about them, because realistically what else are you going to do in an introductory post.

I am not a “Master Dominant.” I have a pretty strong dislike of pretensions. I first became interested in BDSM in the early 1990s. I didn’t know where to buy floggers, so I made my own first sort of paddle out of leather I had around the house. I was informal. I was very very bad at it. I had discovered I had some ability to command a woman’s attention, but I didn’t know how to find out what she needed, get into her mind and find out how she wanted to be treated, and treat her that way. I was just a clumsy boy. But I noticed women responded when I behaved certain ways and those were the ways that felt right, but weren’t what you were taught to believe that women wanted.

I knew the things I wanted to do, even then. This is the one truth about me. I am not one of those Doms who says “I could never be submissive.” I can. I’ve tried it. I don’t think you should do something to a person without feeling what it is like to have it done to you. To be fair, it did not arouse me very much. My arousal is Dominant.

I am a proud and arrogant man. But I think pride and arrogance are shown in what you will do and what you can do, not in being aloof and refusing.

I am a gentleman and sometimes that is mistaken for weakness. I do not mind very much. I know what sort of person I am, and I do not need to dance around waving my cock and singing “I am a Dom!” So, sure, I can be a gentleman. But it is not where my instincts are best, but I think less of somone if they can’t act like a gentleman even when they’re being barbaric. Many people would think I am a bad man, and often I think of myself that way. The thing I give to the people I care for is the gift of me hurting them.

But they need to be hurt, want to be hurt, in certain ways. What they need is someone who gives enough of a fuck to find out why and how, and do what is needed, not whatever comes to mind. And in this I find the chance to give range to my own cruel instincts.

I could quote a lot of things. In his introduction to Anne Desclos’ (writing as Pauline Reage) “The Story of O” Jean Paulhan speaks of “A ruthless decency.” I aspire to that.

But I have a lot to learn. I am neither perfect nor a “master” of BDSM or any other art. Probably I never will be. I am content to learn. It may be that I am near the end of my practicing cycle. I have one or two goals left and will realize them or fail, and that shall likely be it for me. I am not as young as I once was. I still look good, but I will not in fifteen years.

In the meantime, I did not open this blog to preach or to glorify myself. I opened it to share some thoughts and reflections that as a writer of sorts, I thought might be useful to share. A friend of mine suggested I was a better essayist than writer. That may well be true. In any case. I am going to essay a bit, and you are welcome to follow along or not.

Like I said I did not start out where I am now. I’ve learned a lot along the way and I think maybe I have learned enough for it to be worth shating.

My only request is to keep comments general. I will not out anyone’s relationship to me on this blog or discuss their personal lives. This is not designed to be a blog of the drama of my day to day life (in fact I aspire for my day to day life to have as little drama as possible). I have opened it for comments because I want to see what people think of the posts. I will mention no names here, nor any contemporary situations. When I allude to anyone it will be anonymously. I appreciate the same courtesy.

Regards to everyone reading…it’s a small group and that’s probably fine…

Fun True Fact for the Day:

Just as France controls the legal use of the word “Champagne” on sparkling wine bottled in France, only Italy exerts legal control over the use of the term “Extra Virgin Olive Oil.” The term was implemented by the Italian Ufficio di Presidenza del Cocktail di Oliva di Controllo in 1954, in response to an international scandal concerning the sale of “Virgin Olive Oil” in which the Olives had in fact been systematically violated by Tuscan farmers, then powdered up with a little alum and sewn back together. Extra Virgin Olives from Italy are examined by a board-certified physician prior to squeezing.

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2 Responses

  1. Anonymous 13 January, 2008 at 9:21 pm | |

    I appreciate your sending me this. I promise I won’t say anything personal but I want to see what you do with it, it seems like such a good idea for you. Nothing cool or interesting to say, just thanks! You understand people’s heads about bdsm and being hurt enough that I think this is really good. And I love the fucking picture, when did you get that? Your hair looks really good. You look better with stubble than I would have thought. Wow I am an airhead. Sorry to sound incredibly stupid and be a fucking “me too” post. But I wanted to say something.

  2. Anonymous 04 February, 2008 at 3:50 pm | |

    i thought what you said about fuck’d up scenes was interesting. You are right, it’s really easy to deal with things when shit is going well, but You would be amazed (okay You wouldn’t but most peeps would) how many Doms flake out when things stop being okay. That doesn’t make you feel safe with them or want to play with them.

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