So…I walked into the kitchen and said “Good Morning” and the housemate being a smart ass started the Gandalf quote.. “What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it to be or not or that you feel good this morning or that it is a morning to be good on?”
At that point, I dropped into a voice that was sort of a cross between Bilbo and Gollum and said
“I mean it’s good that you aren’t in mourning yet old man…but you will be…yess…you will be. Because I’ve taken the ring of power and made myself Master of Middle Earth! I’ve called the Nine to meeee…
And do you know what I’m going to have them do. Garden…yesss..that’s right old man…garden! Not slowly like that damnable Gamgee. I’ll have them get me a slave army of gardners. Yess…I’m going to landscape from the Grey Havens to Mirkwood…all those precious forests you like so much…The Old Forest…Mirkwood, Lorien, Fangorn…they’re going to become topiary…that’s right…duckies and cows and little series of three balls! And your precious Ents old as Mountains. Two words old man…”Yule Log.”
And I’m going to send my fat red faced little Hobbit cousins out to every corner of the world…and I’m going to make all the big peoples my slaves…and then I’m going to take their interesting things Gandalf…and do you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to make a Giant Mathom-house in Michael Delving…and I’m going to put them there! And you think “what harm can that do?” Two more words old man…”Elgin Marbles.”
And all the secrets of rings and power that the Elves have in their secret languages. Hah! Sauruman knew NOTHING with his clumsy machines. I’ve made a little machine that’s all hobbit like with clever little cylinders and rotors. And I’m going to have Pippin finish it, and then use his precious head for figures to run all the Elves secrets through it until they’re deciphered and I know them all. I’ll record all about making rings of power on these little flimsy sheets. Oh…I’ll be merciful though. I may even let Cirdan the Shipwright come here to the Shire and give him citizenship and set him to work making very small warships on the Brandywine. Then when Pippin’s little cylinders have given me all the elves magical lore about ring-making and planses, I’m going to drive him to suicide because he’s gay!”
I stopped there….